Wishing I Could Get to the River...

Fishing on the Rio Grande last weekend. Water is awfully low...

Finding myself distracted today with this song running through my head and wishing I could get to the River. Being on the water always makes a day better. Luckily it is only a few short weeks until our first rafting permit.

Ch-ch-change: Trying to Recapture the Courage of Young Adulthood

sometimes we need a little extra help to get where we need to go...

I’ve been thinking about change a lot lately. Wanting it, planning for it and being scared of it. I’m having a hard time finding the courage to make big, scary changes. I’ve been doubting myself and wondering if I really have the courage to go through with it, but being back in France reminded me that I am the kind of person who moved abroad. And I am the kind of person who moved to a new state 1,200 miles from home where I didn’t know anyone. I used to try a lot more new things, and when I think back on my happiest times over the last ten years, it was spent doing new things, trying new things and making changes. Those times were sure full of a lot more daily adventures than my life is now, and I miss it.

The thing is, though, I was scared to make all of those changes then too. I didn’t just waltz on over to France thinking boy, have I got it figured out. I was terrified, and after I arrived, I spent a good amount of time wondering if I had made a huge mistake. When I moved to Portland for an internship and was all alone, Elsa was my only friend – that’s a little scary.

I’ve always said I hate change. I like to have my routines and make my plans, and I’ve had this idea that I hate change. One time several years ago, I said this to my mother-in-law, and she said well, for someone who says they hate change, you’re sure good at it.

It has been so easy for us to settle into a nice and comfortable life in Santa Fe with retirement accounts and a mortgage, and I know it is going to be hard to uproot all of that, but I’m trying to remember that I do have the courage. I can do it, and in the end, I’ll be so happy I did. Plus, although it’s hard with a mortgage and student loans, it is sure a lot easier with a partner.

Letting Go and Moving On

So, it’s been a month since The Plan went into action. A lot has changed. I’ve removed myself from a toxic situation. I had the courage to stand up for myself one last time and then I left, and I’m trying not to look back. Moving on and letting go is the name of the game these days.

A big part of being able to do this was gaining some distance and traveling pretty far away geographically and culturally from Santa Fe. I thought a beach vacation would be nice, but on a whim we decided to go to Barcelona and Paris instead. Before I moved to New Mexico, I spent a lot of time in France traveling, studying and teaching and it seemed like a good place to reset and find that part of me I felt like I had lost. This trip was a wonderful whirlwind of wandering narrow streets, eating amazing food, drinking cava and red wine, and reminiscing, but it was also a great time to be really far away from home, regain some footing and remember that life is so much more than what has been bogging me down from day to day. Back soon with recaps – mostly of what we ate…

I'm Still Here...

It's been a rough and exhausting few months, and life lessons that we all know are true have really hit home lately - I've been reminded that life is totally not fair, sometimes people will treat me badly because of the way I look or because I'm a woman, and that it can feel pretty hopeless and powerless when the people who have the power to help you look the other way. It's hard to understand how unreasonable and mean people can be. It's hard not to feel like you lose a part of yourself when stuff like this happens. But, it I've also been reminded how incredible it is to have such an amazing husband and family and friends and lovely little dog girls to cuddle with each night.

Not to say that the whole past six months have been horrible. There are lots of good things. Lots of wonderful things that I've been trying to appreciate despite all the crap. Although I haven't been able to bring myself to write anything, I've still been thinking about this blog and my blog friends and missing this outlet. I feel like I'm on the upswing of change. I have a plan to make things better and refocus and reset. I'm scared and sad about it, but I'm going to spend the next month implementing it and hopefully come out on the other side feeling much more myself.

In the meantime, Knee Deep is back on repeat, and I'm focusing on finding the keys to paradise - short term and long term...

Long Weekend, First Snow and Zabar's Plus

First snow on the mountains this year! View from the dog park

We had an all around rough week last week that left us exhausted, thankful for our wonderful lives and appreciating each day together. We were both exhausted and so relieved after the stressful evening Tuesday (I don't think we even realized how stressed we were until we woke up so happy on Wednesday with a huge weight off of our shoulders). Andrew came down with a nasty bug that kept him up all night on Wednesday and led to a trip to the emergency room Thursday night. And, we received heart breaking news about a beloved and amazing aunt who passed away this weekend. Yeah, it's been a rough one.

Luckily we had a long weekend to recover. We slept an insane amount - starting Friday night when I went to bed at 7:30 - and laid around a lot, and cuddled with the dog girls, and talked about our next adventures. A year ago at this time we were in Nicaragua, and we are seriously missing the beach.

Such a sweet husband...

We woke up to the first snow of the year on Saturday morning. Up until this weekend, it has been in the 60s and 70s, and we have still been wearing sandals and summer outfits. Now it really feels like winter, and the holidays are just around the corner.

In between all the sleeping, dreaming of beaches, and talking about when the ski resort may open this year, we had a nice little birthday dinner for Andrew. We called it Zabar's plus because we had our normal Zabar's dinner PLUS steak on the salt block. We received a salt block as a gift for our wedding. I had never heard of it before, and honestly, it seemed pretty weird. But, we've figured out how to use it properly, and now that we've used it quite a bit, the food we cook on it is gaining more and more flavor. We bought a rib eye steak from the Whole Foods and sliced it into strips. We could each cook the strips to our desired rareness. So good!!

We drank Gruet sparkling wine and a bottle of Mas de Gourgonnier, which has a special place in my nostalgic heart. I drank it when I was in college, and the year I taught in France, when my mom was visiting, we visited the winery. I told the woman that we drank her wine in Minneapolis and loved it, and she was so pleased. Unfortunately, this wine is now $19.99 per bottle, and while it is a fine wine, it really isn't worth that much. I knew it when I bought it, but I ran into it at the liquor store, right next to the Château de Flaugergues of all wines - a winery that is just outside of Montpellier where I studied abroad. A huge nostalgic ka-bam! I couldn't resist!!

We spent today eating greasy hamburgers and taking a long walk in Diablo Canyon with the girls. We haven't been back there since Lola's surgery, and she did great! We were reminded of how happy we are that she had her surgery and is back to normal.

We'll go back to work tomorrow well rested and extra thankful for all of the blessings we have in life.

It's November...

Thanksgiving 2005 in Taos

And you know what that means - Thanksgiving menu planning! I usually scour the bon appétit and blogs for new ideas, but since we missed Thanksgiving dinner last year while we were in Nicaragua, I want to go with our traditional favorites. I'm going to research new appetizers, but the rest is going to be our tried and true favs.

2012 Thanksgiving Menu Chez MeghAndrew 

Appetizers - TBD, but we'll probably serve at least one of the usual suspects
Apéritif - Gruet sparkling wine with dancing pomegranate seeds

Salad - Mixed Greens with Blue Cheese, Cranberries and Candied Pecans
(I'm also considering making a New Mexican Christmas Salad since we'll be traveling this year and might not have the chance to make it for Christmas)  

The Ultimate Turkey, obvs... 
Our local coop sells turkeys raised locally, and they are always very tasty.

Grand Marnier Apricot Stuffing

Andrew's special Sweet Potatoes - yet to be determined is what letter we'll put on this year... 

Green Bean Casserole - this will actually be new to us this year, but my sister's boyfriend is visiting and has requested it. You know my aversion to cream of xx cans of soup so I'm going to find a recipe that is more appetizing to me. I'm thinking that the pioneer woman's recipe looks promising. Any other ideas, folks?

Rolls - Andrew likes potato rolls but we're also considering making biscuits. I guess this is tbd too...

Dessert - my favorite pumpkin pie and apple pie with cheddar crust. My sister has also requested sweet potato pie with graham cracker crust. I haven't had great luck with graham cracker crusts but we'll see.

And, of course, we're planning a day trip on Friday, which is really just a good excuse for a picnic with our favorite sandwiches and mimosas!

Are you trying anything different this year? What menus are you planning????

Hiya, Sweets!

Happy Birthday to my sweet, sweet hubby- you're the best - the cutest, sexiest, sweetest, smartest, nicest, strongest, darlingest, and did I mention frick frockin' CU-test man I know. Hey, I love you!! Happy 33rd! xoxo

And, Baby Blue Eye would like to remind you, the readers (all eight of you), to VOTE today!